Sometimes it's Simple

Things can seem so complicated. And then it turns out to be a simple turn of the valve.

I wrote last week about my adventure with lice. That turns out to be a tad complicated what with all the washing, combing, sterilizing, rechecking, braiding, etc. But nothing a simple working washing machine can't fix. Turns out the my brand new washer, which seemed to be malfunctioning in it's very first cycle had a simple fix. The cold water valve was shut off, meaning the rinse cycle couldn't start, meaning the spin cycle couldn't go, meaning the clothes were just sitting in limbo. A simple turn of the valve and voila, washer working.

Life lesson. Sometimes it's as simple as turning a valve. I've been taking a parenting class of late. Actually it is a bit late - my kids, after all, are 16 & 10. I wish I'd known about this class sooner. But hey, I didn't. The biggest lesson I've learned from this class has turned out to be nearly miraculous and nearly as simple as turning the valve. Reward positive behavior, ignore negative behavior. Of course there are details to work out. Negative behavior does not include hitting, breaking things or disobeying. But it does include things like arguing, screeching protests, begging, lollygagging and general obnoxiousness. I'd heard for some time that I should reward positive behavior, but I was missing a link. Of course I knew to reward positive behavior, ie, praise cooperation, praise sibling nonrivalries, reward good school work and doing chores cheerfully. What had been missing before was what to do with all the annoying stuff. It seemed those needed to be dealt with, punished even. Turns out my generation is over-explaining everything. Mommy can I have some cookies before dinner? No honey. Please Mom, I'm so hungry. No, it's too close to dinner, and you'll spoil your appetite. But Mom, I'm hungry, I didn't have lunch. Are you going to make me starve? Honey, just hold on, we'll be having dinner in a half hour. Mom, I'm hungry now! STOP. The first no was all that was needed. Truth is, she knows all the rest. No explanation needed. All the begging, logical explanation, guilt tripping is just an engagement with me for attention. In my effort to try and rationally explain why cookies before dinner isn't a good idea, I might as well have gone to the park and pushed her in the swings. Same degree of attention from me. The art of ignoring is new to me, and surprisingly powerful and effective. I never thought I'd earn "good parent" points by ignorning. We've had far fewer Momchild war of words since learning that simple trick. And of course, now it seems sooooooo obvious. A simple turn of the valve. In this case, it's the Mom attention valve, OFF.

I still turn it on though when little Missy thanks me for getting her a snack at the appropriate time.

Good bye good people.

Thanks for reading. (see, I'm praising your good behavior!)

Are lice lousy?

Let's talk about lice. What are the common preconceptions about the little buggers. And let's demystify or elucidate them at the same time:

1. Dirty little children from poor and unkempt houses get them and spread them.

Wrong. Truth is, lice don't really like dirty hair as much as clean hair. A bit harder for them to get to the scalp where their nourishment is. They don't eat the dirt or grease in the hair. They also need the warmth and humidity of the head.

2. If you find out your kid has them, they must have gotten them from their last playdate.

It's hard to know when your child got them. Ways not to catch them include:

Being near someone with lice. Lice don't jump.

Swimming with someone with lice. Lice don't swim. They can withstand getting wet, but they won't swim over to your child.

The truth is, there has to be head to head contact for the lice to get onto your child. Using a towel that that lousy little kid used first could do it. Or, sharing a hairbrush, or hat could do it. And, it can take awhile (could be days, could be as much as a week or two) for your child to start scratching their head (the TELLTALE) sign that they might have them.

LICE CAN'T LIVE MORE THAN 2 DAYS ON ANYTHING LIKE PILLOWS OR SHEETS, OR PILLOWCASES without a human host.

3. Kids have to be nit free to be safe to be in contact with other humanoids.

I know schools have adopted a nit free policy, but like all things bureaucratic, (man that word is hard to spell), they over-react. Nits are usually dead, dead, dead after having been washed with the special shampoo that kills the bugs. Some microscopic babies may have escaped death, but with the proper treatment and combing, it's all taken care of.

There really is no reason for anyone to freak out about lice. I liken it to my daughter coming home with cuts on her knees or paint all over her t-shirt. She had a good time, and she threw caution to the wind and got into it. I understand why some people get all atwitter, as they are annoying to deal with (especially if you child has thick or very curly hair), but they also seem an unavoidable part of childhood. And there is the nuisance factor of having to wash sheets, clothes, brushes etc in hot water. But really, come on. Why would that be any worse than a kid who plays in the mud frequently? Life's messy, clean it up.

And, it's not like everyone has the situation I had last weekend where we discovered an infestation at 8:30 am, (after an alerting call from a friend who also had them), did the shampooing, combing, denitting, using a washing machine that was known to be broken, ie, leaking, cleaning and reconstructing the bedroom, putting the various pillows in a plastic garbage bag just to be safe, soaking combs we used to delouse in 140 degree water, reconstruct the bedroom, and then hosting a bunch of the "lousy" kids friends by noon. And having to explain the situation to each of those kids' Moms with patience, and wondering if they'd panic and withdraw their child from the party. That's what's worse. When the other parents make a bigger deal about it then it needs to be.

As with so many things in life, if you really think about it, Knowledge is Power, and the Truth Will set you free. Or that other truism, there's no accounting for prejudice.

Shit, my head itches.

Good bye Good people.